Competition and I did not rendevzouz last night, even though he knew where I was going to be and it was a mutual friend's birthday party. Fine then! He isn't putting in any effort, so I deleted his number. Wait, let me be real honest, because if you can't be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with? I deleted his number because in my drinking state, I didn't want to send a message I would come to regret. And yes, I wasn't going to drink the whole month of January, but it was my friend's birthday ok? This now brings my total to 7 drinks, 0 cock. Way to go Famously Single.
But what I really want to talk about is something that I have tried to understand my whole life. Growing up I was never the pretty girl. I wasn't the girl who made your head turn, but I was popular in high school because I was nice to everyone. I mean hello, I was like Junior prom queen ok? (hair flip) And I was a cheerleader. Totally obvious how cool I was. Did I mention I got voted best personality too? Yeah, that's in the yearbook. I digress...when people find me on Facebook, a lot of people say "You look so different. I barely recognized you!" Not quite sure how I should take this.
So back when I was 19 and dating the man I was sure I was going to marry, this guy my co-workers affectionatly called the Hot Fireman, asked me out. Never had I been the girl to date the guy everyone wanted. I told him I had a boyfriend, and we got coffee. My boyfriend ended up finding out, dumped me, but that's not really the point of the story.
Suddenly, I was better looking. I had grown into my body. I started taking pride in my personal appearance. I started college and attended a party with male soccer players. That got me caring about how I looked let me tell you. I wouldn't say I had low self-esteem before, but I knew I wanted to be pretty and to have guys like me, but they didn't. And then all of a sudden, they did.
My mom raised me with the saying "Pretty is as pretty does." I believed that if I was pretty on the inside, I would project pretty on the outside. Mom failed to mention that pretty people have an easier life. Being thought of as pretty meant a lot, because I was perceived a certain way, and ended up meaning I almost always GOT my way. I have sometimes treated men like shit, and have thought in the back of my head, if I wasn't pretty, this guy would not still be talking to me.
But being pretty doesn't change your relationship with men. I see some people with boyfriends and think why isn't that me? I'm definitly pretty than her. I sometimes forget what's on the inside that matters. Being pretty may get you into the bar without having to wait, but it's not everything. We think being better looking will solve many of our problems, but it doesn't. And some may say it makes us unapproachable. Now that I wrote this, I'm not 100% sure of my point and I think that's the thing. How looks influence relationships is so weird.
To go back to me not being the pretty girl in high school...I was out at a bar one night and the Homecoming King from when I was a freshman so that makes him like 4 years older than me, was at the same bar. This guy wouldn't have had anything to do with me back when I was in high school. I remembered in high school that while he was extremly good looking, he was sometimes to rude to people he thought were less than. He asked me out. I asked if he was still the same person that he was in high school. He said yes. I said no thanks. I got to turn him down and it felt good. Also, my high school crush, who also wanted nothing to do with me in high school, now calls me wifey. He thinks I am his future wife. He has put on some weight and is no longer the crush I once envisioned. Sorry for the long post. What are your comments about looks, attraction and relationships?
15 years ago
Posts
