Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Why you should get a tattoo

I have two tattoos...both you wouldn't be able to see if I had my bathing suit bottoms on. He Who Shall Not Be Named had a tattoo sleeve, and other tattoos. Comic...tattoos. I can only recall one person I've had sex with who didn't have any tattoos AND was good in bed. There's something about having tattoos and being uninhibited and willing to try things and not caring so much what people think about them that make tattoo men amazing in bed.

Now when I meet people one of the first things I ask is do you have a tattoo? This is just my experience. It is not a scientific study, although I could probably say 8 out of 10 who have tattoos are good in bed. What do you think about this? Do you have any tattoos? If so, what do you have? If not, why don't you have any?

Sunday, January 25, 2009

No more pondering

Exactly the next day after wondering why my friend Comic didn't tell me what was going on with him and his ex, he opened up about the situation. He told me he was really pissed off by everything that was going on and that's why he didn't care to share. Basically, the ex is being an idiot and only wants to be with Comic when it's convenient for her. And she went from calling him all the time, to not really putting in any effort. Of course I didn't bring up the picture or the phone call with his sister.

It's so weird with him. Girls like to analyze EVERYTHING, but with him, just when I start to analyze, everything is cool. I think I'm going to visit him sometime this week too. I have fun with him. And I'm trying to figure out if I have a thing for him or not.

Slopmaster, I have no idea how to make it so word verification is turned off. I think it's super annoying too, but I don't know how to change it! Stay tuned for tomorrow where we discuss tattoos and why people who have them are better in bed...

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Something to ponder

My Google Reader is giving me a headache. There is over 300 things and I can not just click all as read. I need to get on this soon. There's a reason I have so much to read, because I was visiting my friend Comic and something strange happened. Comic if you remember is my ex-friends, ex-boyfriend.

When I first got to his house, he wasn't home yet. I let myself into his house and looked for his new Mac Book. When I went into his room, I saw a picture by his bed of him and my old friend, his now ex-girlfriend. I know they have been talking and seeing one another, and I don't care, except for the fact that I don't think she's a very good girlfriend to him.

When it came time to go to bed, the picture was gone. I wanted to say something, but decided against it because I didn't want to seem nosy. Then, the next day, she kept calling and he didn't pick up. His sister called and he was talking to her and she asked about the ex and he lowered the volume down on the phone so I couldn't hear what she was asking. And then he answered very vaguely.

I talked to my friend who says I should say something, because even though we had sex, this doesn't complicate things on my end. If he gets back together with her, I just hope we can stay friends. He should have been able to just pick up the phone when she called or leave the picture up. What do you think? Should I say something and let him know that I am ok with this? We talk about us being with other people. I mean this guy is like my best friend. I want to be a part of his entire life and I care about what happens with him and the ex no matter what way it turns out!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

First Sex of the New Year

Alright it happened. I have finally been de-virginized in 2009...I just wish I could remember. It started with my co-worker/bff cooking dinner and watching American Idol. We also killed a large bottle of wine. I was not planning on going out. After the wine, I realized I would need to stay at her house for awhile until I could drive home. I wasn't drunk, but maybe the wine hadn't caught up to me yet, because all of a sudden I was drunk and we were heading to a bar. Low and behold...Competition is there. Apparently I sucked him off in the bathroom of the bar, but I don't remember that. We also had sex and right before we did, he asked me, "Are you going to remember this?"

I said yes...hah! Fooled him. I've only had drunk sex with him twice so I don't even know if sober sex is worth it with him. I am moving out in 2 weeks to a new home and this new roommate has some cute friends aka potential hook ups. Please, let's hope the love life can improve!

Is it horrible that I can not stop thinking about He Who Shall Not Be Named when I'm masterbating?

Monday, January 12, 2009

This one might offend you

Online dating, that's the topic today. Dr. Zibbs of That Blue Yak asked me if I've ever tried online dating. I realize I have no proof to back up what I'm about to say, but it is my belief and I'm sorry if it offends anyone who has done online dating.

I believe online daters are mediocre looking. The really ugly people tend to find one another eventually and so do the good looking people. I would say in terms of looks I'm in the top 20%, classifying me as a good looking person who will eventually just meet someone the old-fashioned way. My friend M met her boyfriend online. She was only 22 when she was online looking for someone. Are was as woman too ready to get married? Just let it happen on it's own. I know I talk about being single on this blog, but the truth is, I hate more being single in this town because there isn't much to do. We don't have nice restaurants, a sports team, shows, seriously there isn't a whole lot to do. But I honestly don't mind being single. Eventually I hope to find a great guy, and I have NO problem holding out until he comes along.

And that my friends is why I don't do online dating. Plus I want that great how we met story, and leaving some things up to chance.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

If you think it, he will come

Recently a friend of mine said the only way to truly get what you want is to envison and know exactly what you want specifically. She asked me what I wanted in a man, and was surprised to find I know exactly what I want. She said me knowing this means that eventually I will find him. Let's hope she's right! So here's what I told her I wanted:

*Must be attractive, like other people wish they were dating him
*My mom should adore him
*Romantic: random notes, flowers, surprises me
*Wakes up every morning wanting to make me happy (Don't worry, I'll do the same!)
*When he gets home from work he'll want to compete in Wii or that kareoke game that is super fun
*Likes to travel
*MUST be accepting of gay marriage
*Talks to my brother on a regular basis because he wants to
*Successful (this does not mean has a lot of money)
*Has a lot of money...I kid, I kid
*Can fulfill my sexual fantasies, meaning he's good in bed
*Communicates well
*Is ok that we will never spend Christmas morning at his parent's house, always mine
*Be good at Catch Phrase with me as his partner
*Likes to do physical activities
*Social...we should be the couple people want to invite over
*Will sing along crazy to the song on the radio, dance crazy with me like no one is watching...I guess he should just be crazy!
*Will surprise me with Disney on Ice or concert tickets, because I love having tickets to ANYTHING
*Loves me unconditionally
*Can put me in my place when I get out of hand, or doesn't let me walk all over them (I need a man who can wear the pants, but let me think I'm wearing them :) )

I'm sure the list is far from over, but the thing is, we get our ideals from movies, other people's relationships, our own previous relationships, and what we feel we deserve. All the guys I meet, I know instantly they are Right Now's, not Just Right. A teacher of mine in high school once said you need to pick three qualities and use that to determine your husband, because it's hard to find someone who is everything. Sure this list is very precise, but overall I don't think it's horrible. The guy who fulfills all of this is out there right? What's your list?

Friday, January 9, 2009

Let's talk about sex baby, let's talk about you and me

Competition and I did not rendevzouz last night, even though he knew where I was going to be and it was a mutual friend's birthday party. Fine then! He isn't putting in any effort, so I deleted his number. Wait, let me be real honest, because if you can't be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with? I deleted his number because in my drinking state, I didn't want to send a message I would come to regret. And yes, I wasn't going to drink the whole month of January, but it was my friend's birthday ok? This now brings my total to 7 drinks, 0 cock. Way to go Famously Single.

But what I really want to talk about is something that I have tried to understand my whole life. Growing up I was never the pretty girl. I wasn't the girl who made your head turn, but I was popular in high school because I was nice to everyone. I mean hello, I was like Junior prom queen ok? (hair flip) And I was a cheerleader. Totally obvious how cool I was. Did I mention I got voted best personality too? Yeah, that's in the yearbook. I digress...when people find me on Facebook, a lot of people say "You look so different. I barely recognized you!" Not quite sure how I should take this.

So back when I was 19 and dating the man I was sure I was going to marry, this guy my co-workers affectionatly called the Hot Fireman, asked me out. Never had I been the girl to date the guy everyone wanted. I told him I had a boyfriend, and we got coffee. My boyfriend ended up finding out, dumped me, but that's not really the point of the story.

Suddenly, I was better looking. I had grown into my body. I started taking pride in my personal appearance. I started college and attended a party with male soccer players. That got me caring about how I looked let me tell you. I wouldn't say I had low self-esteem before, but I knew I wanted to be pretty and to have guys like me, but they didn't. And then all of a sudden, they did.

My mom raised me with the saying "Pretty is as pretty does." I believed that if I was pretty on the inside, I would project pretty on the outside. Mom failed to mention that pretty people have an easier life. Being thought of as pretty meant a lot, because I was perceived a certain way, and ended up meaning I almost always GOT my way. I have sometimes treated men like shit, and have thought in the back of my head, if I wasn't pretty, this guy would not still be talking to me.

But being pretty doesn't change your relationship with men. I see some people with boyfriends and think why isn't that me? I'm definitly pretty than her. I sometimes forget what's on the inside that matters. Being pretty may get you into the bar without having to wait, but it's not everything. We think being better looking will solve many of our problems, but it doesn't. And some may say it makes us unapproachable. Now that I wrote this, I'm not 100% sure of my point and I think that's the thing. How looks influence relationships is so weird.

To go back to me not being the pretty girl in high school...I was out at a bar one night and the Homecoming King from when I was a freshman so that makes him like 4 years older than me, was at the same bar. This guy wouldn't have had anything to do with me back when I was in high school. I remembered in high school that while he was extremly good looking, he was sometimes to rude to people he thought were less than. He asked me out. I asked if he was still the same person that he was in high school. He said yes. I said no thanks. I got to turn him down and it felt good. Also, my high school crush, who also wanted nothing to do with me in high school, now calls me wifey. He thinks I am his future wife. He has put on some weight and is no longer the crush I once envisioned. Sorry for the long post. What are your comments about looks, attraction and relationships?

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Happy Birthday is in order

You know in Google Reader when you see one of your favorite bloggers doesn't have a new post and you feel a little sad, that's how I feel when That Blue Yak doesn't have anything new! Lucky for me, that barely ever happens. It's his birthday and even though we have never met, which we never will unless he come's to the west coast, because he lives in PA and I don't know how to use an ice pick, I want to wish him HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Competition text messaged me last night. I hadn't heard from him in like a week, since our last conversation about him being hard to get... I almost text him the other day but then I figured why bother? If he wants me, he'll make the move. And he did, but not quite what I was expecting:

Competition: what are you doing?

Me: about to get off work. i've been running around all day. are you at work?

C: no just drinking thinking about you

Me: drinks will do that to you

C: oh i know want to hook up?

Me: Sure i'm going out tomorrow night (Ed: I want to make it clear that he can't just call me and I'll come running. He can't be friends with benefits because the benefits are only when he has time. I do not want that)

***an hour later***
C: come over
***an hour later***
C: baby come over

I'm hearing that song right now. It goes something like "Don't call me baby. You've got to learn boy that will never do! You know I don't belong to you"

If he thinks adding baby is going to make me come running, he better think again! But now, I don't know what to do. I want to hang out with him because he's fun, but I would prefer if he made plans instead of just thinking I would come over! Do all men need to be trained? It's not like I think this guy is Mr. Right by any means, but he's fun. What's a girl to do? I don't know if I'll see him tonight, mainly because I'm practically a virgin at this point. Do I really want to give it up to him (even though I did once before)? Is he going to be the guy to break the drought? I'm not so sure... 8 days sober with no cock in me

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

I'm feeling evil

Is it weird that sometimes I think about what I'm going to write on the blog while I am masterbating? I mean usually I can get myself off quick, but last night it was taking so long. Actually, I couldn't sleep so I just kept masterbating and then I started thinking about what I wanted to write in the blog.

This little number didn't cum to me last night (sorry! I couldn't resist). Today I was talking to Attached and we were discussing std's. Both of us have never had one, not like having one is a club we want to be in anyway. I was telling him there's this website where you can send anonymous letters to people letting them know you have an std and that they should probably get tested. How horrible is it that I sometimes think about sending one to He Who Shall Not Be Named, just to be evil? I know horrible, which is why I never did it. but what a great revenge tool. Seriously men, women are crazy. I'll be the first to admit it.

Tomorrow we'll be talking about looks...what I think about looks and personality and how nothing regarding looks will ever make sense to me.

And back to women being crazy. I want to know the craziest thing you've ever done to an ex. Men, you're included in this one too. I have a few crazies, but probably the best one was having a friend of mine, M, myspace my ex-boyfriend and try to hook up with him. Later on, he saw us together and the plan was foiled, but it was a good attempt at crazy I think. I also like to say I am the #1 stalker. I have good tricks at finding people!

For this new horrible year: I have had 0 kisses, 0 hook ups, and 0 cocktails.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I see the light

Does something you do everyday remind you of your ex? Oh, you say I'm the only one?

After He Who Shall Not Be Named and I started dating and he spent the night at my house, he asked me if the light from my alarm clock bothered me. I had never even seen it before, but he insisted on using a pillow to cover the light. Now, every night before I go to bed, I put a pillow over that light, because even though it never used to bother me, it does now! See how he randomly creeps back in?

Monday, January 5, 2009

Great Friends

I have great friends! Today, I was a little upset over this incident with my grandma and my girl J totally had my back.

My friend M dealt with e-mails like this:

Me: I love us!

M: I love us too. Stop thinking about He Who Shall Not Be Named. There are so many better people out there for you.

Me: I just can't stop thinking about how our great our [edited for work] was, which he is now doing with his new girlfriend I like to call Cindy, and which I often think about while I am [edited for work] except Cindy is so not in what I am picturing!

The girl just gets me. Those edits for work are sex and masterbating, since I can tell you all now because I'm not on my work e-mail.

Even though Attached has a girlfriend, he is still very much there for me and I appreciate it so much!

Comic called me today and said, "I woke up so upset today." Of course I ask why? He says, "I just can not believe that this girl I went to high school with is on that new show on MTV, The City. I mean, can you believe it?"

And he seriously says stuff like this all the time. It makes me smile and I just feel genuinely lucky to have him as my friend. See why I call him Comic? :)

On a total sad and terrible note, how depressing is it that I have not been kissed all of 2009? I like to have sex every day in January, because as long as you do it, you can say you have had sex all year long. Now, I can say I haven't had sex this whole entire year. What the hell? I mean I know we're being anonymous, but I don't think I'm an ugly chick. Look, I'm not God's gift either by any means, but I don't think I should have already gone 6 days with no sex. Doesn't that seem like an eternity? I also haven't had any liquor in 6 days. Maybe I should just become a nun. It seems I'm well on my way!


Of all the emotions I have ever felt, probably jealousy is the worst. And what better way to try and get over it, then by blogging about it? First of all, a girl I went to school with is on the show The City. She is living in New York as a model, so obvioulsy jealousy there, but she is also on this show that I think is pretty cool (Judge me all you want) Her name is Allie. Thankfully, her boyfriend in the show ends up being a pretty bad guy (see cheating whore), which makes me feel a little better. I mean she may be beautiful and living in the coolest place, but her love life is more messed up than mine!

Then there is another girl I went to school with who has the exact job I want, except she is doing it in our lovely city, without ever having to move to some small town to get experience yada, yada, yada. I can't help but be jealous. I try to think eventually I'll make more money than her or it won't last for her, but that doesn't stop the jealousy.

Not to mention the people who have those relationships that make you jealous. I am trying to come to terms with my jealousy, but it is so hard! I feel like the more I try and get over it, the more I think about it. I try to be honest with my emotions, because you aren't getting anywhere if you lie to other people and yourself, but jealousy is the one emotion you can't just get over. Because it makes you look at yourself and what's important and why do some people seem to have it all, while others are working their butts off to get there?

I'm over my jealousy rant. Deep breaths, deep breaths! Competition and I had a cute text message conversation about him not getting my message on New Year's Eve so we could hook up. He said his phone died, and I told him that he is only available on his terms and I don't like that. He said that he is hard to catch, but when you do get him he's 100 %. I said I would cut off all the guys from 2008, but there is something about him. He really is charming. He claims he is a triple threat: charming, good looking and funny. But he hasn't called me since last Thursday. What gives?

Thursday, January 1, 2009

2009 here I come or cum...hopefully both!

Miss Fabulous did a great post about her men from 2008 and saying goodbye to them, and I want to do the same thing. Miss Fabulous if you're reading, I love your blog but everytime I try to comment on it, it won't let me! The same is true for Spencer Wildwood's blog, but please know I am reading and appreciating!

So to the following men from 2008, I am going to try not to ever think about you, move on from you, realize I deserve better and say my piece right here!

He Who Shall Not Be Named: Everything reminds me of you. I wish it didn't. You broke my heart, but I will never tell you that. I try and think you have issues, but maybe I am the one with issues. I didn't e-mail you for your birthday because I want you to be the one who last made contact. If you really wanted to keep in touch, you could easily find me online. And I also hate that you never had the balls to try and have anal sex with me even though I know you wanted to. Good-bye. I have wasted too much of my life thinking about you.

Mac: You are such an asshole. I'm glad I fucked your friend.

Model: You are smoking hot and I plan on staying in contact with you while you're deployed, but only as friends. I hope one day you stop being a man whore so we can have beautiful babies, because we would. We're both tall, thin, blonde hair, and blue eyes. Hitler would be so proud.

Co-worker: I'm not sorry that I told you're girlfriend we were fucking. You are a snake. I can't believe you thought your game was so good that I would fuck you before work, while your girlfriend was on her way to visit you. You are such a manipulator and everyone sees that except your girlfriend. You are not the man you try to pretend you are.

Competition: I don't know how, but I think I like you more than you like me. Which is weird, because I know I am way cuter than you. I'm deleting your number so you won't get any crazy text messages from me ever again.

I'm sure there are a few other honorable mentions, but these are the only ones that stick out at the moment.

Here's the Co-worker story as brief as possible. Co-worker called during the holidays saying he missed me, let's have phone sex, all the things he wants to do to me. He's driving home on Monday and wants me to come over before he goes to work. I don't intend on having sex with him at all, but I like to tease him. I ask if we can do it after the show. He says no because he has work things he needs to do and will be out late. He never says this. No matter how late it is he always wants me to come over. I get the feeling girlfriend is coming to town. So after the show, I send him a text message about 45 minutes after work is over saying I'm on my way over. He calls me about 5 minutes later saying his girlfriend SURPRISED him for New Years blah blah blah. He swears he isn't a liar, but I point out that his girlfriend has no idea he's talking to me.

The next night we all go out. I see her. I say we need to talk. I pull her outside. Co-worker is looking nervous, but he's a manipulator so he probably thinks he can get his way out of it. I tell her I know we haven't been the best of friends and she starts going off on me about flirting with Co-worker! I'm thinking choose your battles girl, because I didn't just flirt. So I told her everything I could before she walked away from me to find him.

Last I heard she was still in town with him. Why do girls do that? He's not a good man. He cheated on her. He has plans to get back with his ex-girlfriend. She deserves so much better. I never want to be like that. And who knows what he told her about me! So there's the drama. Hopefully less drama next year. A psychic came to work yesterday and predicted I will be in a relationship in 4 months. She also said I may never have kids and won't get married until I'm 30. Oh, and I have 2 long term relationships before I get married. But who knows if you can believe that stuff! Happy New Year. Thank you for reading :)