The Hard One

This is the post I've been dreading...the story of He Who Shall Not Be Named, but I feel like to not tell it is to undo this entire blog, because he's kinda the whole thing that brought it on. If I ever write some chick lit, I'm dedicating it to him, the man who made me think my stories were deserving of a book :)

We met on a story. I was the new reporter. He was the hot photographer. We talked about how boring it is in our town. He pulled out a pen and paper, gave me his number and said we should hang out. I freaked out in the car and called my friend to ask why she never told me he was single. Apparently she didn't know which meant it was a new break-up. But why should I care about this...this man was hot, I was in a new town and so it began. I texted him the next day about his photos. He said he was going out of town for Christmas but we should get together when he got back. And we did. We met up at a bar with some other people I was with. It was awkward, it was fun, and I couldn't wait to do it again.

So we did and then one weekend, my friend came to visit me. And I hadn't slept with him yet, but I wanted to, and she approved of him and so he went home with me. I was drunk but it was awkward, it was fun, and I couldn't wait to do it again.

So we did, the next night and we started hanging out and there was something about him that just got me, even though I couldn't 100 % be myself around him. I wanted to be the girl he wanted, instead of just the girl I am, because I was so amazed that this guy was with me. It took about a month before the ex-girlfriend was brought up, when I found out that she went with him to Christmas at his family's house and they were together for 4 years. He moved for her, they lived together in "our" town. And then he got a photography job somewhere else and he moved. On the day he left, I looked at his phone while he was in the shower.

I don't know why I did it, but I think that when you have to look, you know you are going to find something. And find something I did...text sent to his ex: Every day I wake up with an emptiness and a loneliness that only you can fulfill and I both love and hate you for it. And no, I don't feel embaressed that I know exactly what it says word for word. The text was sent the night before. I couldn't believe it. I had no idea he had such emptiness and loneliness. I had no idea he had so much emotions because he certainly didn't show that to me. I had finally, after years of dating, had my heart broken.

He left, and I thought I would never hear from him again. But he called that night and then proceeded to keep calling, e-mailing, texting. It felt nice, like he really cared, even if it was very sporadic. I was confused why he was doing this. Why keep me around when you still aren't over your ex and we are seperated by thousands of miles? I sent him an e-mail confessing that I looked at his text messages while he was in the shower the day he left. I tried to end it funny by saying that the Professor said if our relationship was so great, wouldn't I have been in the shower with him? He could have called. He could have e-mailed back. Instead, he text messaged me like 5 days later: Just checked my e-mail. Don't know what to say. I guess that comes with the 4-year relationship territory. Hope you're well. I didn't respond. There was no need and I thought that was it.

Fast forward 2 weeks later. I'm visiting a friend in L.A. I have just finished talking about how everytime I order a vodka 7 I think of him because he was the one who thought I would like that drink. I get a text message: So are we no longer friends? :( I don't know what to do. Do I respond? Do I leave it alone? Do I keep reading it, wondering if this is real? Or do I do none of the above because he calls me and we proceed to talk for 2 hours even though it is like 2 in the morning his time and I'm pretty sure he is wasted? Ding, ding, ding.

We continue our sporadic conversations for a few more weeks, but then I have called twice and told him about my promotion, and he hasn't called me. We don't talk for many, many months, possibly 6 maybe more. Last month, he myspace messages my boss and says he is coming in to town, driving through town because he quit his job and is moving somewhere else. Asks for her to give me his number and see about drinks. Drinks lead to me in his hotel, which leads to him not calling me for another month, which leads to the random texts. This leads me to delete his number from my phone. It's too hard. His birthday is this month. I want to send an e-mail that only says Happy Birthday. Am I crazy? Seriously, we dated for 2 months. It's not like this was a long drawn-out love affair? And do you ever wish you had never met someone...like maybe if I wasn't on that story, I never would have met him and my heart would not be broken, or is this healthy?